Funny Stories

A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there lived a king who had a beautiful daughter – the Princess.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what! - metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, “If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.”
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt could marry her and inherit the wealthy kingdom
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, the sword melted.
The prince went away sadly.The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world so they will not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, the diamonds melted.
He, too, was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, “Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.” The princess did as he asked although she blushed and her face turned red.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!
The king was overjoyed. Everyone in the kingdom was overjoyed. So the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince’s pants?
Why, M&Ms of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking?

A Blonde Story
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already '"the startled husband asked.
Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus!"